I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
