So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
