If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
