Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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