chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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