In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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