if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
