I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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