I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
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Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
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Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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