we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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