I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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