my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
