I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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