Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
