I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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