I wannas sexs uuuuu
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
