I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
