Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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