What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
