My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
