No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
