How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
