Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
