I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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