Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
