bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
