Me. At least after what I've been through.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
