I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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