we made out on top of his cat.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
