So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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