Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
