this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
