I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
