I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
