So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
