I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
