I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
