just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
how drunk are you?
Several
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
