Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
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She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
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If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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