Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
