oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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