I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
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