Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize