so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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