Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
