Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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