Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
my shit smells like andre
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I AM VODKA MAN
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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