I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'm like, not good at living.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Randomize
