Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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