so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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