my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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