Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
