Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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