you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
i've created a new STD.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
