she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Randomize
