he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize