lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
