I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
