and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
