so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
