Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
