You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Randomize
