bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
