Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
