dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
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