I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I want her autograph on my taint
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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