1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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