oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
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I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
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He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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