Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Randomize
