we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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