You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
